Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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