I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
