who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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