Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
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