i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
