Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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