Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
