bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
