Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You need Xanax blowdarts
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
