For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
