I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
