i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
