are you still at the devil's house?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
