Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
