sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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