yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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