She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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