If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
