Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
