Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
