You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
