you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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