Plan B is the new Plan A
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
