How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
