I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
