PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
