can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just invented taco cereal.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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