I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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