Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
