Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
