I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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