Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
