Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
