I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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