i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
