Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
