Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
