I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
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You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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