If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
