I can tuck mytits in my pants
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize