You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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