I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
