i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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