We're like a lot better than the average bears
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
