So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
