Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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