u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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