i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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