If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
