I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
