The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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