Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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