just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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