new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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