Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
