i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
