My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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