Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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