her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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