don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
