You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
