remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
