you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
