he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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