anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
