Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
