i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
