Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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