Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
