I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
