are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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